it's you that i adore, you will always be my whore

It was my mom's birthday yesterday and I got her a ring with her birthstone in it. My mom picked me up at 12:45, even though I said Adam would drive me home though he had work in the morning, and yelled, so I gave her her present lmfao. Last night I went to Adam's and we played guitar hero, I fucking love that game. When I left it was..yeah..not good. BUT I'm sure we'll work it out, hopefully. I mean, we talk about it everytime we're together, and nothing changes...but it makes me feel better and more comfortable, but I don't think he sees that. I'm not sure when I'll see him next, which I don't like, but I know friday I will for sure, because it's my birthday. If I don't, I'll actually cry lmfao. And saturday too. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, and I want it to stop raining and snow more, even though I hate walking home in it. Good news is I don't have work tomorrow because I quit; that was my fourth job lmfao. Please phone tonight.

take a sad song and make it better

I have to leave for work in 30min..uggggh I don't want to goooo! I am so tired right now. Brittney wasn't at school today because she went shopping in the states, so in law I was alone, and I realized how people use one another.Won't get into that now though. Last night Adam took me for dinner at Milestones and it was good. He got his N! Hurrah. I got Timmy Ho's and licked candy canes off the lid and something was wrong with it because it smelled weird and it made my tounge go numb lmfao ew. Yesterday I also went to Vancouver to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" it was pretty good except I fell asleep before first intermission. The bus almost left without Brittney and I, even though we were supposed to be ON the bus, not leave at 1:15, so Brittney said it was only 1:14, and they said they liked to leave early, so I said "lawl, sue the school" and the teachers just stared. I checked my phone which is set to school time and it was only 1:11, sooooo they would have been in shit, so I wish they left us there. Tomorrow I have a pro-d day thank god, so sleep in, and I'm going to some movie thing with Jessika and Alison, and hopefully seeing Adam when he's done work? I will ask if he wants to do something.His Dad is over right now putting crown molding up. Over the past few days I've felt like shit about myself and I've been in such a panicky mood, but last night I felt better about it.

it's times like these you learn to love again

Okay well I have been super busy, hence no blog. I'm getting Foo Fighter tickets in 3 minutes! I'm going with Alison, Adam, Kevin, and Danile or something. YESSSSS! I love going to concerts with Alison it makes me happy<3. So on wednesday it was my one month with Adam, not a big deal but hey it's nice. Long story short, I cried, not because of happy but sad because he ignored me and threw my note on the floor then played his guitar again, but we talked and then he sat on the couch and we looked at eachother and laughed. We're fine, it was made a bigger deal than it should have been. Oh my god 1 minute. Okay lmfao well the general admission were sold out and the other tickets confused the fuck out of me. It said red was lower bowl, but on the chart the red section was the upper bowl, and the blue bowl was the lower bowl instead of upper. Time to craigslist it everyday. I really don't see how they could be sold out when I was on at the exact time they go on sale...and I don't think that they would release ALL the general admission tickets in presale so I don't know. But I will get them one way or another. DEATH!

you're beautiful, beautiful as the sky

I just got home from Adam's, went to the mall that was gay because I couldn't really shop; should have went with Brittney. Then watched him and his sister play drums, then we sat for half an hour. I am tired. I read Brittney's blog, and I'm sure it has to do with me today. I feel bad, but she has done that to me before, saying we are going somewhere then I ask the day we're supposed to do something, then saying we are not. I forgot we were going to go and wanted to anyway, and he asked me to hang out before, sooo yeah. BUT I would like to talk to her, because I feel like I can't anymore and that there's always this awkwardness around and that I get mad, or as she calls it "crazy manic bitch" - listen to some people. And I don't appreciate that much either, but I get where she's coming from, but half the time I don't know I'm doing it; well sometimes. I've actually realized just how horrible a person I am since being with Adam, but yet I don't change it. I admit to it, yet still do nothing. I'd love to punch myself in the face.

they're bound to kill us all, in whitewashed halls

Work was laaaaame, boring because it wasn't really busy. I'm tired. Bed like, now. Except I am talking to Adam, so in a bit. Tomorrow I have to go for fitting at mall for grad fashion show, I could go wednesday with Alanna, but I want to get it over with. Plus, I get my Oasis DVD tomorrow then! FUCK YESSSS! So excited. Then wednesday I'm going to try and get my extensions tightened considering they are falling out, stupid things; one row is just hanging on one side now. And wednesday, hang out with Adam and bring him dinner!

i never met him, i'll never forget him

Good weekend! I worked friday, then went to Adam's and stayed till 1 ish, then saturday he came over white I was cleaning my room and not ready and we went to the mall, Ryan was there hahahahahaha nice look, and I got new Smashing Pumkin c.d. and KT Tunstall c.d. And he got "some" stuff too, and I bought him new HIM c.d. for his belated birthday, even though that was in September, and I saw Christie at her work so I bought a hat, I like it. I really like new SP c.d. a lot. We went for sushi then went back to his house and played Tony Hawk, Mortal Combat, and NHL hahahaha. Then he turned off all his lights and it was completely pitch black because he has no windows in his room, and I was scared because he has a creepy doll in his hallway that I think walks around at night. I saw white at the door, then it disappeared, then kept coming back so I made him turn on lights. I called for a cab at 12 or 12:30 and it came but before I left I told him something so we started talking and the cab left. I decided to stay for a little longer and we ended up having a really, really good talk. I am completely happy. I'm so glad I have someone to really talk to and understands things because something similar has happened, and he doesn't force me to do anything and makes me feel 100% comfortable, and he let's me make my own decisions and doesn't force me to stop anything. So thank you. Then I got home at about 2 I think, slept in, did my some homework and just relaxed. I think we're getting a new computer because this one keeps crashing, gay. Work tomorrow! I actually don't mind it, but still want to work at Long and Mcquade, which I'm pretty sure I should work on cover letter because I keep procrastinating.

'cause you don't want me no more, well babe don't worry

Halloween sucked. Seriously. I getting ready and told my mom I was going to be a few minutes and she was fine; then I finished and she FREAKED out on me. She waited like 10 - 15 min for kids to give out candy, then finally just put some outside with a note. Then we couldn't find Jenna's, so she started yelling so I got out of the car, and they were at the corner. They took pictures and started trick or treating without me, which is fine because I was late, but if it were the other way around for someone THEN it would be different, and we'd have to wait. Anyway, I was in a bad mood thanks to my mom, and told them and Brittney said "well, atleast you look cute", so I told her to shutup, but I didn't mean it in the really mean way it came out. So she's like "fine let's go then" and walked away. I apologized today and explained and she understood, I think. Whatever. Then Adam picked her up and asked if we wanted to go to frightnight and everyone said no and continued trick or treating. ANYTHING I said, everyone ignored. So I yelled things, and they still ignored me, so finally I told them if I disappeared it's not my fault no one notices. Then we went to Jenna's and took some pics, went to Alison R's house, showed her mom their costumes; Alison was Howie Mandell, and Jenna was a brief case girl, it looked so good. Alison now has a bald cap, so we're going to do Billy and Nana pictures. Then we went to Alison V's house; she was Little Red Riding Hood, but called it Ho instead of hood, and Jessika was a construction worker. Oh, and Brittney was a cop, and I was like, white china doll, it looked sweet. Jenna's mom dropped me off at Adam's and he gave me lucky charms, and I watched his sister and him set up their new drum kit. Then I went home at 10. HOW EXCITING. But yeah, good part was seeing him atleast. The man that lives with them, Zeek or Zeke or whatever, asked what the fuck I was and I told him NOT to swear at me and made shooting notions at him and asked what he was, and he said he was himself because that was scary enough, so I agreed with him, then I'm sure he went into his room to jack off. ATLEAST I GOT CANDY AND LUCKY CHARMS? YEAH!